I have mixed feelings daily. Love the beach, love the sun, and love the warm rain. Don’t like the cost of food, housing, gas, etc.. The job being offered doesn’t excite me but I’m applying anyway. Perfect job for Mark, he is excited and ready to move. I’m hesitant to leave my kids, home, house, dogs, parents, and OSU. Leaving a beautiful campus for one that is run down and depressing is difficult to swallow. I’m trying to stay open to the possibilities but this sucks.  

Leaving on a jet plane

We boarded the plane for Hawaii with nervous excitement. Wondering what the week ahead would hold for us I found my seat and buckled in for the 5 hours ahead. A nice Hawaiian man sat down next to me and we started the normal chat that happens on most fights. Where are you from? Are you going home or leaving home? Etc. Well this very nice man was born and raised in Oahu but his wife had been born and raised in the Northwest. They had lived in Oregon for 6 years but now resided in Hawaii. Surprisingly he said he loved Oregon, wanted to moved back, had never lived anywhere better, but his wife loved Hawaii and never wanted to leave. What’s the message in this? I don’t know.  I guess it was just to tell me that there is at least one woman from the Northwest that loves living in Hawaii.

Upon landing I turn on my phone to text my family and let them all know we landed safely in Hawaii. I had a voicemail and an email from the University of Hawaii telling me that they had received my resume and that they had a job posted this very week for a construction manager. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The signs have been amazing. First the soundtrack to the Decedents given to us by a friend at a get together at our home, the Hawaiian doll dancing on the OSU Federal web page, the Luau at OSU that we went to for the first time ever and somehow were the last two in line to get tickets, and on and on. It makes me wonder if signs actually occur or if you just notice things that you are focused on.

So I’m staying open to the possibility of moving to Hawaii. During the day I can see it happening, I can see living here, swimming in a warm ocean every day and knowing the sun will shine again in 10 minutes instead of in 10 weeks, or months, is a refreshing change from Oregon. But the night time is a different story.  I wake up in a panic, very sure of the fact that my subconscious is completely freaked out about the possibility of leaving my kids, dogs, family, home, etc. I dream of babies screaming for their mother. I don’t think my subconscious has figured out yet that my kids are all in their 20’s. Once a mother always a mother, and somehow, no matter how old those babies get, they are always babies that need to be cared for. I’m going to have to get over that one.

When we were given word that Mark was offered a job at University of Hawaii in Oahu I thought writing about it might help me process the ups and downs. After he informed me of the job offer, my initial excitement gave way to panic as I realized the implications. How could I leave my home, my children, my job, and my family, everything familiar and safe? How could I possibly leave everything I knew and loved in Oregon for an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, a 5 hours plane ride from everything I held dear. Panic seized me along with a strange unfamiliar excitement and sense of adventure. I promised him I would keep an open mind until we had all the details.

This week we leave for the island of Oahu to talk to the university, discuss employment options for me, and meet all the people that want to hire and work with Mark. We are gathering information so we can decide if we are going to change the course of our lives by picking up and moving away from Oregon where I have lived my entire life, to Oahu the second largest Hawaiian Island, exchanging cool rain for warm rain, rhododendrons for plumeria, apples for pineapples, cold unfriendly oceans for warm inviting oceans, fir trees for palm trees, and an average of 60 degrees for average of 80. It all sounds amazing and beautiful, only thing missing…all the people I love and Mary’s Peak.