Beach bodies:

When we moved to Hawaii we decided that there was no point in staying unless we lived within walking distance to the beach. Otherwise, what’s the point? What we didn’t expect was the cost. We pay more to live near a beach than a million dollar mortgage would cost us. So, you might ask, why not just buy a house for a million dollars? Because the house we live in would sell for 2 million. A normal response to that comment would be something like “Wow! You live in a 2 million dollar home? It must be a mansion!” Well in Oregon it would be, but here, in Hawaii, on Oahu, our 2 million dollar home is a 1500 square foot, ranch style house that was built in the 1950s. It has a small fenced yard, and a detached garage. The kitchen has original wood cabinets with stainless steel counters, and a vinyl floor, and old stained carpet through out. Fortunately the bathrooms were recently renovated so we do have nice tile showers. My point, it’s a small, simple home. In Oregon, this house would sell for maybe $250-$300K. Depending on the locations of course, here it’s 2 million.

Since we live a block from the beach we usually take at least one walk a day, some times two. We are trying to convince ourselves daily that the rent payment is worth it! Morning walks are different than evening walks. In the morning the beach is deserted, the air is soft and the light is low enough on the horizon to make the sea glass shine in the sand. It sparkles like little gems. I collect the small blue, white and green glass, and my husband picks up the big frosted chunks. We each have our own jars to display our treasures. It’s interesting to us that someone doing something as irresponsible as throwing beer bottles in the ocean can create such a treasure for us to collect. Ironic.

Evenings walks include beer and watching the ocean and the people. We sit and watch people sunbathing, swimming, frolicking, and surfing. It’s always interesting, amazing actually, how different the Hawaiian beach is compared to the Oregon Coast. Here everyone is barely dressed, whereas in Oregon you rarely see a bikini on the beach. Here bikini watching has become a past time. It’s amazing to me what people wear, or don’t wear. I’m pretty modest so I usually have a pair of shorts on over my swimsuit until I decide to go swimming. The last thing I want is people staring at my ass as I walk to the water. The trip from my towel to the water is usually quick and as non-attention seeking as I can possible make it. Getting out of the water is always uncomfortable. I think about Bo Derek in 10 as she walks out of the water, swing her corn rows, and all dripping, and my mind thinks, hurry, so no one is watching your 48 year old body, saggy and dripping. There are bodies on the beach that range from drop dead gorgeous to old and wrinkled so I guess I’m somewhere in the middle, but still nothing I want anyone to take note of.

The beach bodies vary widely. There are young women on the beach that rival any swimsuit model and they wear the smallest suit possible, barely covering parts of importance, usually with a string up their ass. They flaunt their stuff as they walk on the beach knowing all eyes are on them.  A few can pull this off and are truly perfection, even as a woman I appreciate how amazing they look. My husband just smiles and says, “I love this beach”. “Yeah I know”, I say, “you can dream”. Sometimes though, I have to wonder if they have looked in the mirror lately. Sometimes they are very old, or very fat, in a bathing suit that is very small…I have to wonder about them as their skin folds over the lines of their suit. Usually these people are also burned to a crisp.

There is one spot on the beach were a naked guy is always walking around. I usually avoid that area because I know I couldn’t be cool and not stare. Even the one time he was laying down and we walked past, I couldn’t avoid staring at him. He had his thing covered with a towel, but he was gorgeous. I figured if he was bold enough to walk around naked, or lay around naked, he expected to be stared at, so I did. “I love this beach”, I said to my husband.

Sometimes in the morning when the light is perfect, a photographer with a super large lens is photographing beauties in bathing suits. We wonder about them. Sports Illustrated swim suit addition? Catalog bathing suit layouts? Maybe they are the girls in the calendar that is hanging in your car mechanics shop. In any case, they are the beauties of the beach. Everyone watches them, they are being photographed so it’s obviously their ultimate goal.  “I love this beach” my husband says as we walk past.

We are not in Oregon anymore.